Wii Review: Pokemon Battle Revolution

Viva la Revolucion! — Or Maybe Not: With the word “Revolution” in the title, it’s easy to develop high expectations for the latest iteration of the Pokemon “Colosseum” games. Add the fact that this is the first Pokemon offering for the Wii and the anticipation shoots up even more.

But for anyone with even a remote idea of Colosseum’s previous body of work, you may want to dial down those expectations a little. Gone are the mini-games that graced previous versions. And gone is the RPG quest mode that the last two versions offered.

Instead, what we have here is a bare bones game that’s pretty much limited to battling. That’s not a revolution. That’s a regression.

On the positive side, Battle Revolution features pretty good graphics for a game that doesn’t output in high-definition. Unlike my older PS2 games, I can actually play this on my 63-inch HDTV without losing my lunch from major “jaggies” overload (for non-tech readers, that would be the jagged edges you get in your picture when you output low-resolution video to a high-resolution screen — not a pretty sight).

The ability to pick your trainer’s appearance, along with customized quotes for battles, is also a nice touch. If you ever meet a muscle-bound trainer online named ROIDstwrt (from Rod Stewart, get it? Get it? Um, never mind) who yells “My pecs jiggle with delight!” well, all I can say is that the player who uses him is one handsome fella.

Speaking of online, the ability to battle players online — including those from other countries — is this game’s one saving grace. The game even corrects one of the few flaws in the Nintendo DS Pokemon Diamond/Pearl versions by allowing random online battles. There’s just something about battling a real live person instead of lifeless computer AI that makes battles more enjoyable and extends the playability of this game. Unless you have another trainer’s friend code, though, random online battles are limited to 3-pokemon single battles and 4-pokemon double battles, along with a host of other limitations. These are the kinds of things that can drive a person crazy, especially when one realizes just how much better this game could’ve been and how Nintendo has a history of pulling these kinds of stunts (e.g. forced use of the Game Boy Advance for multiplayer in Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles for the Gamecube. I know Squaresoft made that game but I have a feeling it isn’t fully to blame for that one).

Ultimately, the online battling alone may make this game worth the price of admission for battling purists. But for those looking for more, it might be a good idea to give the game a test ride first before you pump your hard-earned cash into it.

My verdict: 3 cell-phone reception bars out of 5. (OK with a little static, but it could’ve been much better)

Meanwhile, in an alternate dimension…

Cop-out ratings:

Don’t’ have Pokemon Diamond or Pearl? 1 bar. (Rental Pokemon are limited in selection and not much fun)

Only like battling and nothing else? 4 bars. (1 bar deducted from lack of more options for random online battles. Other than that, it’s lots of fun, especially when facing a competent player)

Like beating unprepared legendaries with an all-Raticate team? 5 BARS out of 5! (This right here just might be worth the 50-something bucks you spend on this game.)

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Crashing and Burning Never Sounded So Good

OUTTA THE WAY!!!

I suck at MotorStorm. I suck like an anteater on an ant hill.

But that doesn’t change the fact that the game rocks — especially when it comes to its soundtrack.

Besides featuring a Nirvana ditty that I’ve always liked, I also credit Motorstorm for introducing me to Pendulum, an Australian drum and bass group based in the UK. As someone of Asian and European descent, I’ve spent a good part of my life fighting not one but two powerful genes that would make any lesser man addicted to embarrassingly cheesy techno. Prodigy? That’s good techno that no one should be ashamed to like. That cheesy song played by the driver my family hired to pick me up at the airport in Manila? The one that played for THREE HOURS STRAIGHT with a REPEATING chorus that went: “sao-sao-sao-baby sao-sao-sao a-who-a-who a-hee-hee-hee?” It was like a conga line of techno vampires just took turns to suck the life out of me.

Which makes Pendulum’s catchy dance beats with a rock twist — such as “Slam” and “Blood Sugar” for example — sound even better. Some old school drum and bass aficionados say Pendulum's newer rocklike offerings are sugared-up abominations. But my ears say it’s techno-ish stuff I can listen to and like without feeling like I should join the witness protection program. “Slam”, the song featured in PS3’s Motor Storm, even has a hilarious video featuring earthquake shattering beefcake for the ladies that you can view here.

Anyway, I'm just glad MotorStorm's developers didn't hire the guy who came up with the head-scratching ditty "Bru Bru Skies" for Sega's Daytona racer. I don't know what that guy was on, but I sure as heck know I don't want none of it.

So even with my subpar off-roading skills, crashing and burning at Motor Storm doesn’t seem so bad. Especially when you’re treated to beautiful scenery on the way down and a rocking soundtrack in the background.

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'Let Me Show You My Pokemans'

For people who have played Pokemon before, I can sum up the new games in two sentences:

If you liked the previous Pokemon games, you’re going to like Pokemon Diamond/Pearl.

If you hated the previous Pokemon games, well, you’re going to hate the new versions, too.

If you haven’t played Pokemon before, then read on.

In a nutshell, Pokemon is a role-playing game where you travel around a particular region (this time, it’s a place called Sinnoh) catching and training Pokemon in the hopes of becoming an elite Pokemon trainer (I could sense my desirability at the next speed dating session dropping already). On the way, you’ll be battling gym leaders to earn badges that help you progress through the game while also helping foil the dastardly intentions of an organization bent on ruling the galaxy called Team Galactic. Methinks someone needs a Vulcan death grip.

As the first Pokemon entries for the Nintendo DS, fans of the series, understandably, have waited for Diamond/Pearl with much anticipation. But with the exception of a few key changes, the game is pretty much the same game it’s always been. Other than some subtle 3D effects and a few graphical tweaks, for example, the game pretty much still retains the familiar look of the old games — good news if you’re a purist but bad news if you were hoping to see a better demonstration of the DS’ graphical capabilities. The game does feature a bunch of new Pokemon, which I’m sure would be a source of much joy for the kiddies — and everyone knows I’m only stooping to Poke-geekdom for the children, as they are humanity’s future.

The meat of the game remains its familiar RPG-style quest. It also features plenty of stuff to do on the side such as contests, cooking, training and other stuff that can easily become life-sucking time sinks if you’re not careful and are 1) age 13 and younger or 2) older but don’t have an even bigger time sink known as a girlfriend. The side stuff’s good but I pretty much concentrated on raising a select number of Pokemon so I can quickly proceed to teaching my cousins an important lesson — that of my incredible kickbuttitude in any game, even if it be Hello Kitty Island Adventures. (This also allows me to quickly return to having a real life marked by laughable attempts at home improvement and making all sorts of strawberry-based desserts on the weekends. Maybe some day, you too can be just as cool as me.)

Which leads me to the best part — and, for some, also the most frustrating part — of this game: online battling. I finally got to battle one of my cousins from clear across town recently via the DS’ WiFi online connection and I must say that hearing his reactions via the DS mic and speaker was a lot of fun. I heard his evil chuckle when he thought he was going to win, followed by the ensuing cry of agony when I dispatched his Pokemon the very next turn. BUWAHAHA!!! The best part was hearing him laugh after one of my Pokemon popped out from its pokeball with a personalized message with his brother’s name and the word “SUX” right after it. That’s right, you can now add personalized messages of 8 characters or less once you progress far enough in the game. I’m sure all the people playing this game — especially the boys — would act mature and never abuse this wonderful feature that allows you to spell UFART to greet your opponent.

The not-so-good part is not being able to just battle random people online. You need to have another player’s Friend Code to battle them online in real time, which means you first have to meet someone outside of the game (physically or online) and get their Friend Code before you can play them. The need for Friend Codes certainly puts a damper on the online battling experience, especially since you can battle players from other countries now but can’t do so anyway without their Friend Code. I certainly understand Nintendo’s concerns about online predators. But they could’ve easily fixed this by turning off the DS mic for random battles with people not in your friend list to avoid unwanted advances from supercreeps.

The good news is that you can randomly trade with people online and I’ve actually traded with players from such countries as Mexico and Japan. Online features such as battling and trading are definitely the key new feature of Diamon/Pearl and also a big reason why many former players who haven’t touched the game since gradeschool are picking it up again in college. Well, that or the ability to greet their adversaries with the words UFART.

With lots of stuff to do, Pokemon Diamond/Pearl can be as time-consuming or as quick an experience as you want it to be. It also provides parents a worry-free game for their young ones — unless their young ones battle with friends who like using naughty words over the mic or spelling stuff that would make you want to wash their DSes with soap.

As for yours truly, I’ve progressed far enough in the game that I’m ready to climb back up the recovery wagon. But with my little niece who lives more than 200 miles away now getting into the game along with those same old goofy cousins who are a hoot to battle with, that doesn’t mean I can’t fire up the game once in a while to satisfy my delusions of grandeur and familial interaction via WiFi. By itself, the game wouldn’t really hold my interest too long. But online kicks things up to a whole ‘nother level.

You certainly could’ve done better, Nintendo. But I’ve had so much fun with the WiFi feature that I’m willing to give you a pass on this one.

My verdict: 4 cell phone reception bars out of 5. (Clearly recommended — the best Pokemon handheld offering yet)

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